hello november

hi all-welcome back to my blog. i have been a bit MIA and i don’t apologize for it.

since my last post, there has been no more progress on my campaign BUT there is still time to donate! i only need 35 more $$ to reach my 500$ goal. will anyone be brave and do it?!

i really haven’t been running much. i rounded out october with 57 miles, so it was a very low key month. i have been trying to run, less but work out consistently. i have been doing a lot of HITT (which is absolutely no joke), i have been stretching and i have signed up for some SURGE classes (remember when that was a thing i loved?), i have also been taking my rest days seriously. the marathon is in 7 months so i am currently just building a base and keeping those lungs healthy.

i have decided this time around to go with an easier training plan this time around. for my previous marathons, i burnt out half way through. the other time i ran grandma’s, i ran with an injury-it hurt like hell but i didn’t die.

i am SO excited to start my marathon journey-its all the emotions i’ve ever experienced packed into 16 weeks. it amazes me how resilient and strong both your mind and body can be went pushed to the limits. stay tuned for more sappy shit on running.

in the meantime, since i have nothing to write about running & everyone is sick of me talking about my mental health, i have decided to share with you all some things that happen in my life besides running.

first.

i have been very into pies. i love to bake but ever really stretched my limits beyond cookies, cakes, muffins, ect. its a bit silly because i hate pie. i’ve made a few pies but my big thing (that i love) is a galette. its basically a pie but easier. you roll out the crust, pop your filling in the middle and flop the edges up. its quite a beautiful piece of dessert. today, i made a vegan pie ??? the flavor was amazing, it looked delicious but the middle was a bit gooey..i’ll need to perfect it before i make it for other people. side note, i am not a vegan.

second.

you may or may not know that i love to read. i have a few of my favorite running books that help keep my motivated but my favorite genre is mystery/crime/suspense. lately i have read a handful of good books. the two that stand out in my mind are turn of the key by ruth ware. she is probably my favorite author, her story lines and plots are really suspenseful..all her books are fairly short and pretty quick reads. another book that i am still recovering from is the woods by harlan coben. there is a plot twist every few chapters and on the very last page, something happens that absolutely made my jaw DROP. such a great read. it was my first book i have read by him and now he is slowly becoming one of my favorite authors.

i am currently reading a book called lolita by vladimir nabokov. it is about a grown man who has a sexual relationship with a 12 year old girl. a very controversial topic, but a very beautifully written.

those are the things i do when i am not running. i will add some more of my hobbies in my next post. until then, comment your favorite books, favorite recipes and please let me know if you want more information of the brave like gabe foundation!!

update

hey hey all,

an update: we did it. we raised 250$ to secure the bib! its official, i will be running grandma’s marathon 2020. first marathon as a wife! i look forward to sharing my journey with you all.

my fundraising goal is 500$ and we are currently sitting at 465$

there is still time to donate!

i cannot stress enough how important rare cancer research is.  more research = discovering the important ways we can improve how we treat and manage cancer as well as understand what raises or lowers a person’s risk of developing cancer. rare cancers and lesser known cancers deserve the funding that matched the impact of the disease.

cancer sucks so a big middle finger to that but together we can fight back & that gives me hope.

again, feel free to share your brave story below in the comments. everyone is running on hope in some way.

 

running through my mind.

*this post may make some individuals uncomfortable*

i’m going to ignore the fact that i haven’t blogged since june. i really haven’t enjoyed running much lately but i still do it because its the only thing that keeps me grounded.

i was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder II. i am completely relieved. i can finally start to make sense of my anxiety, deep sadness, euphoria, general discontent, guilt, 0% interest in anything, compulsive behavior, impulsivity, irritability, hyperactivity, lack of concentration, thoughts of suicide, excess sleepiness and insomnia.

being bp2 is a trip. the best way I can describe it is being high and extremely euphoric  (hypomania state) for about 3-4 days. for me, this consists of 2-3 hours of sleep a night, high brain activity, extreme motivation and being able to go go go. after this period, i crash (depressive state). i’ll sit there for about a week. for me, this consists of sleeping 9-12 hours a day, lack of motivation for anything, cancelling of plans, ect. then the cycle starts all over. thats when your cycle is predictable. within the larger cycle there is a smaller cycle. while i am depressed, i may have 30-60 mins of euphoria and then crash even lower than i was. on the contrary, while i am high i may snap and fall into a depressive state over the smallest thing.

can you even imagine how exhausting that is? i am a ticking time bomb. imagine waking up in the morning (some days wishing you hadn’t woken up at all) and at any point the smallest thing-the most miniscual thing you can think of- could make you erupt into a full on fit of anger that will debilitate you for the rest of the day. or will it?

this is what i live with. so i apologize if i’m not always nice and i don’t always smile. some days i will be mean, some days i will isolate myself, some days i will be erratic and completely over the moon happy. but remember, please, that i am grounded, deserving confident, courageous, worthy & whole. i am allowed to take up space. 

it took me 27 years to ask for help. i have been living in a world where i was shrinking myself to fit into every one else’s agenda so they could feel more comfortable. i was afraid of disappointment, rejection & judgement my whole life. i grew up well into my adult life hearing, “you’re so negative,” “how come you never have anything positive to say?” “can’t you just have a good day?”  “why can’t you just be happy?” “happiness is a choice.” 

all these phrases conditioned me as a young child. i learned that being sad wasn’t ‘right’. that being upset and angry wasn’t okay. so what did i do? i isolated all those feelings into the four walls of my bedroom. my bedroom was my safe haven. i would spend all my hours after school in my room crying on the floor, scribbling in a notebook about how much i hated everything and listening to music as loud as it would go. i did this nearly every night. i internalized my negative feelings and thoughts because i thought it wasn’t okay to feel that way.

i didn’t think that was normal-but i was a kid. i didn’t know any different. i couldn’t even verbalize half those feelings, the words that ran through my head, the scary thoughts of death i so often thought about. how do you ask for help?

what happens when you internalize feelings? you never learn how to open up to people. and build the highest and thickest wall around your heart. and another wall around your being. i conditioned myself to think that my feelings were not valid.i learned how to smile unwillingly, how to pretend that i was interested, how to shape myself into a child/young adult that people thought i was. that people wanted me to be.  i thought i was fricken crazy for doing that.

so what does this have to do with running?

i have been running all these years. running and running with no destination. only wanting to escape my own self. running is how i isolated myself from myself. when i’m running, i actually feel something. i feel free, i feel happy, i feel unstoppable. those are not feelings i often feel in my every day life.

but now its time to run for some thing. for some one.

running gives me hope.

i am choosing to join the #BraveLikeGabe team for Grandma’s Marathon 2020 because i have been at war with myself for years and through it all, i ran. it keeps me grounded at the times i feel most crazy.  that gives me hope.

i have seen the impact of cancer & lost a loved one-not a rare cancer but a cancer that deserves research to match the impact of the disease. loosing Jeff made me feel hopeless. however, i have seen the power of the running community& that gives me hope.

feel free to share your brave story or share what gives you hope in the comments!!
*thank you for reading.

 

 

 

 

God Bless America

Welcome back! Its already July. Where has the time gone?

I wrapped up June with 87.8 miles. Pretty high considering I didn’t race & am not training for anything. June was warm, July is warmer. I hit 500 miles for the year! I don’t have a goal so I guess that’s irrelevant but still a big number.

I have been taking my runs “easy” but I have been surprising myself with some speed. Especially in this heat.

June 30: 3 miles @ 708 pace. WTF. My splits were 730, 659 & 653. It wasn’t easy but it felt good! I was reallllly surprised with the speed on this-very unexpected. Recently, I have been struggling with some (many) body image issues so being able to preform like this was a big confidence boost. I had 1 cool down mile @ 826.

July 1st: 5.2 @ 749 pace. This felt good! Another surprising pace. It was HUMID and RAINY during this run but I really felt like I was grinding it out. It was a great progression, too. 806, 753, 745, 744, 736, 732. I ran without my knee brace, too which felt really great. I am working on becoming less dependent on those types of supports so I can build some strength.

July 2: 2.2 @ 819 pace. I didn’t feel great. I ran late at night and was rather tired, but I got ‘er done. I did some easy strength afterward.

July 3: 3 @748. UFFDAH, VERY WARM. I finished work early so I ran at about the hottest part of the day. Super humid, but awesome pace. 756, 746, 742

July 4: 3 @ 736. Again, very warm and humid and gross but amazing pace. My splits were; 752, 731, 726. I felt pretty good! I ran later in the day (probably the hottest part of the day, too.)

July 5: 4 @ 751. This run was HUMID and gross but I tried out a different route that I liked! Its a nice big loop. My pace was pretty good as well for the heat. I can’t remember but I don’t think I wore my knee brace.

July 6: 4 @ 754. We were out of town so I was able to run on a new trail! The weather was pretty nice, full sun and breezy. My pace was pretty good, too, considering I didn’t fuel my body properly for a run AND I slept weird so my back was extremely stiff and sore. I also saw a sign that said, “tomorrow is gone, today is a gift.” I felt that.

July 7: REST! I ran every day during the week and my body deserves some rest (and water!)

That’s about all I have for this week. Its been humid, hot and I’ve been runnin with out my knee brace at an impressive pace. I have noticed that my cadence is increasing. What does that mean?? I use to run at a steady 185 now I’m around a 189/190.

The end of this week marks 3 months till wedding which means more strength and a better diet. Yikes! Stay tuned! Stay hydrated!

Wrapping up June

Welcome back blog people!!

It has been quite some times since I’ve taken the time to sit down and type out my adventures in running and life. Work has been busy and extremely exhausting. I have been coming home and falling asleep around 8pm. It has been a combination of work, missed medications and the stress of wedding planning. I have taken the time to rest and reflect on life and after 14 hours of sleep, I feel like a new woman!

It is heating up here (Minnesota) and summer is officially here! Summer, for me, adds a new challenge to running and working. My job is about 95% outside, working with children and animals. The sun/heat always drains me faster which was part of my problem this past week. I had a challenging group of kiddos on top of the wacky weather (very warm/humid & extreme storms). As far as running goes, I have been running either really late at night, early in the morning or not at all. Usually not at all.

Here is a look at the past few runs:

6/16: 8 miles @ 748. I ran around Medicine Lake-which I haven’t done since marathon training. I felt so good! The trail was both familiar and unfamiliar. I always find that route so intimidating. However, it felt pretty easy and went by pretty fast! I remember it being hot. I also remember having a lot on my mind. The thought of, “when it gets hard remember the people that can’t run.” If you read my last blog, or know me, or been following my spring training, you’ll know that I lost my uncle (who in my eyes was an Olympic athlete) to lung cancer. I recently struggled with the loss of Gabriele Grunewald. A vibrant, 33 year old, runner who lost her decade long battle to a rare cancer. The inspiration from both individuals has kept me #RunningOnHope.

6/18: Double run day!! 3 early AM miles at 822 pace, 4 afternoon miles @ 920 with Emma. Unintentional double run but I have been dealing with some insomnia so when I wake up that early I might as well run. Nothing too notable about either run. Besides the fact that running with a friend always makes the run go by a bit faster.

6/19: 3.3 @ 740. Surprised myself with the pace since it was so warm. Other than That I don’t recall anything else about the run.

6/21: 5 @ 809, early AM run. I felt great during this run. I love the silence of morning runs. I was only going to do a few runs but I felt so good that I just kept going. Very comfortable pace. I also find that morning people are much more enjoyable to greet on the trail.

6/22: 3 @ 749. Unbelievably warm. We were out of town so it was country roads for this run! My body felt a little stiff but I was able to slog out a nice pace!

6/24: 3 @ 746 ?? Auuh don’t recall much about this run. I’m sure it was hot and I was stiff.

6/25: 1.5 @ 818 for Gabe’s birthday and 2 @ 910 with some friends before getting our nails done. It was a rather warm day, but both runs were enjoyable. I was able to see a beautiful sunrise and a humongous snapping turtle.

6/28: 3 @ 808. Ran at 9PM, lets felt heavy and it was very humid. I have a really awesome running vest that I use though so that made the run fun. It lights up in bright neon colors. I love it.

6/29:  4.3 @ 753. After barely running all week and it being nearly 85 degrees and full sun, I really needed this run. I felt so good! I had an awesome pace and felt really comfortable (well, as comfortable as one can be under the circumstances). I started the run a little later than anticipated but ya girl needed her sleep! I felt like I could keep running but didn’t feel it was worth the risk in the heat!

As of late, I have really been focusing on the quality of my runs versus the quantity. I will say that not training for anything helps me focus on this immensely. My goals for July are to keep running and enjoy my runs! Pretty soon I will start my 3 month countdown to wedding and will incorporate a lot more strength training.

 

Until next time 🙂

Remembering Gabe & Why We Run

Hey folks, thanks for stopping by!

This week, the running community suffered a huge loss. Gabriele Grunewald lost her courageous, decade long battle with cancer. Like many of us, she found a solace in running. By continuing to pursue her goals on the track, she found a reason to carry on with purpose in her life to face the uncertainty of the future. Gabe was so resilient but also took the time to enjoy and appreciate the little things in life.

“Being brave, for me, means not giving up on the things that make me feel alive.”

-Gabriele Grunewald

This has really made me think about the purpose of running. When I first started running, I wanted to be fast. The only thing that mattered to me in running was that new PR. It became a rather unhealthy relationship. I would really get down on myself if I didn’t think I ran fast enough. So I would push myself hard. Running fast was exhilarating but it left me drained (physically, emotionally and mentally).

As I became more experience in running, I really took the time slow down and let my body rest. (When Uncle J was sick, he told me he was impressed by my running but to take the time to rest-then he made a joke about how he got cancer.) Anyway, now that I am a couple years older and have experienced some pretty large life changes, my reason for running has changed. While I still love running fast, I’m more interested in just running. Plain and simple. Through all these things in life (good, bad and ugly) I’ve ran. Some of these runs haven’t been fast or even far…but I’ve felt satisfied, relaxed and relieved. Running is a lot more than being fast. Running is about the experience and the journey. 

I think about a lot of things when I run. Unfortunately, in 2019 I have been focused on running for people who no longer can. Throughout all my runs this year, no matter how much I hurt, how much I don’t want to, or how tired I am..I remember that there are people close to me that fought through something much more exhausting than a run.

I vow to always be Brave Like Gabe

FUCK CANCER.

 

Here’s a glance at this past week:

June 10: 6 miles @ 741. Great run! The weather was amazing and my pace was fire. I stayed pretty consistent at 735-740s. I wanted to run slow but my legs felt good. And my playlist was POPPIN’..there’s nothing worse when you put your music on shuffle but get songs that you just don’t vibe with.

June 13: 4 miles @ 733. Another great run! I ran later in the night (after pre-marriage counseling and Chipotle) but I was surprised at how good I felt!

June 15: 3 miles @ 739. Short run before work, but still felt good! My knees hurt a bit but that’s nothing new.

I am still struggling with some hip pain that I can’t seem to shake. I need to go to the chiropractor but I’m currently uninsured (lol hahah)..so, advil and ice it is 🙂 I only ran 3 times this week BUT all my runs I felt really relaxed and in control. I have no races planned (yet) for this summer so I will just be enjoying the act of running!

This week, I challenge you (whether you run or not) to go out, do your thing and simply just enjoy it. Don’t compete, don’t push yourself, just enjoy the act!

 

Summer Running Tips!

Happy Sunday!

And happy June 🙂

I have spent the last week recovering from Lola’s. That race left me trashed. I have been struggling with some hip pain (on my iliac crest) so I’ve been taking it easy and feeling it out.  Here’s a run down of the week:

June 3: 2.5 miles @ 8:10

June 4: 2.3 miles @ 831

June 5: 3 miles @ 757

June 6: 2.5 @ 749

June 7: 3.2 @ 753

June 8: 4 @ 801

All my runs this week were rather short and not that fast..but I felt great during all of them. I must say that I am very happy I am not training for anything! It feels good to just go for a run and have that time to myself after the day. My hip generally only hurts the first couple steps and then the pain goes away. I have been icing and stretching after my runs which I believe is kind of helping!

I have also been running a bit later in the day due to the heat. Yesterday while running, I felt like I was going to DIE. I made a couple stops along the way but slogged through it. Since summer is here now, I thought it might be helpful to give y’all some summer running tips to stay cool and safe through your summer training!

  • HYDRATE BEFORE, DURING & AFTER YOUR RUN
    • I like water but I love Gatorade. If you’re doing a long run, set up some water along your route with a note so no one throws it out!
  • RUN DURING THE COOLEST PART OF THE DAY
    • Either early AM or after the sun goes down!
  • RUN NEAR WATER (RIVER, LAKE)
    • Its generally a bit cooler (breezier) by H20
  • RUN ON THE SHADY SIDE OF THE ROAD
    • For obvious reasons.
  • WEAR LIGHT COLORS/LOOSE-FITTING CLOTHES
    • Light colors don’t absorb as much sunlight and loose fitting clothes help with the air flow!
  • SUNSCREEN!!
  • PROTECT YOUR EYES WITH SUNGLASSES OR A HAT!
  • TAKE BREAKS DURING YOUR RUN
    • Try and take a short break in the shade to help regulate your body temperature
  • KNOW YOUR LIMITS
    • If temperatures are high, take your run inside or do strength! Getting that run in is not worth risking dehydration or heat exhaustion. Listen to your body!

 

HAPPY TRAILS!